Yay, traffic.

Friggin LA drivers. What the hell is wrong with you people? I've been reserving comment on this one cos, you know, I figured it's just another thing one's got to deal with living life. Kinda like the menstrul thing. But yah, why is it beyond some people that it is NOT ok to drive like the incredible crash dummies?

Last night, I thought I was going to get side swiped by a moron who was in a right turn ONLY lane, doing her jaw dropping, eye popping, mind blowing stunt of trying to turn left across 2 lanes, at 35mph right when the light turned green at the intersection of Mindanao and the Marina Expressway. !!?!?!?! Out of nowhere!

I was stunned speechless. Literally. And I thought she was going to plough though the passanger side of the car and smash Fred.

"We are so fucked," were my first thoughts. Thank god, my reflexes made me slam on my brakes and thank god the guy behind me didn't rear-end me and thank god she pulled in front of me instead of into me and slammed on her brakes too and then decided to take a right. Not without first giving us the obligatory dirty look. What the hell? By the way, lady, you forgot to thank me for not damaging your Lexus.

Bear in mind that all that happened within a matter of a split second. Before I could start to comprehen the whole situation, I was already on my way, back on track and heading out of the crazy intersection. I'm really not sure how it all happened. Still amazed that it didn't end up being somethig really bad. The odds were totally against us.

So about LA drivers. It's like sharing the roads with jackas jocks on steriods as to nice dads who take their kids mountain biking on weekends when you compare LA to Colorado drivers. Of course, that's a generalization and there are exceptions for sure.

Fact is, people here

• Do honk MUCH more than people of any other city that I've been to. And I'm not talking small town nowhere. Hello, the light is still in the process of turning green. And... what? Obeying traffic laws is optional here?
  
• Tailgate, even at 10 billion mph. If you're in that much of a hurry, might as well get a chopper. If you really need a V8, HEMI, Korman, McLaren, turbo-whatever just to get around this city, you're truely a wimp. If yo're just flaunting your $$$, you'll get more attention if you put that into funding teleportation as a means of transportation.
  
• Leapfrog like there's no tomorrow. Funny how you're still right beside me like you were 5 miles ago. And I wasn't even trying.
  
• Like to squeeze their asses around you on even the narrowest streets so that they can do a right turn on red onto a busy street. I can almost hear them say,"It's only your life, but you can save 1 whole second!"
• Prefer not to use their turn signal. I mean, turn signals are so 20th century. Much like courtesy on the road. We should be reading minds by now.
• Cut you off. Know how it's always a good idea to maintain a good amount of space between the vehicle in front and your car. Well, if you do that in LA, you're gonna get cut off for SURE. It's like those idiots are playing "see how many people I can piss off" and trying to beat their high score of every single person in their path.
  
• Speed. Like that one time (meaning all the time), I was driving on this curvy stretch of road which was a construction zone so the supposed speed limit was 25mph. I think they made a mistake, cos I felt like I was at NASCAR, racing my Saturn wagon.
• Make you feel like it's all your falut but really, it's society's fault. Stupid group of humans broadly distinguished from other groups by mutual interests, participation in characteristic relationships, shared institutions, and a common culture.

That said, a part of me really like the challenge of driving in crazy LA rush hour traffic. Not the stand-still-for-1/2hr-on-interstate type, but the on street, I-hope-I-don't- get-hit/hit-anything type. Not everyday though.

Which reminds me of a book Fred's dad got me on our road trip. Humour does work best when there is a grain of truth to it.

The average person has about 10,000 taste buds

Tomorrow is 冬至 dōng zhì (or the Winter Solstice Festival, haha, you can't read chinese.) and I am going into shock as we speak, due to dehydration, caused by involuntary compulsive drooling as a result of the yummilicious tang yuans that I'm imagining me gorging myself with. Just look at the picture! If you hear about a saliva related freak accident any time starting from now, blame Huijun. (see left.)

Big fat juicy, chewy, sickeningly sweet and sticky... mmmm... especially when the soup is viscous and has red dates and dried longan and TONS of rock sugar. Don't know what other ingredients!? I should know this... I should find out.

Some people are like, "Wah lao, so sweet and gross. Who eats that stuff?" ME, ME, ME. I savour the disgustingly decadent goodness. Besides, 10, 000 tastebuds can't be wrong.

If mommy were here... mmm, I'd be in tang yuan heaven.

Christmas Cheer. BIG time.

Ok guys. If you're still finding it hard to get into the "jingle all the way" mood, this will do the trick for sure! (Turn the volume up. Or down, I suppose.) As if that didn't impress you... well, then how come you're totally already clicking on this? Insanity. Man, that is one hard core over-zealous dad who totally went to town with the decorations. Points for novelty and entertainment value.

And according to reliable sources, it's all broadcasted on AM radio, so if you happen to be in the neighbourhood, you can tune in at your leisure. How cool is that.

I'm just glad I'm not their neighbour. *giggles...

For all you budding amateur residential outdoor festive lighting desigers out there, this might lead you somewhere.

Dipolmacy at its best

What you're about to see is gonna change your life forever...
It will up your WTF effectiveness to the power of 10 billion. Crippling moments of shock due to witnessing/experiencing insanely ridiculous incidents of retardedness (meant as an insult, refering to people who were born alright, but CHOOSE to act like a retard - ref. Carlos Mencia) will be a thing of the past. Unless your new year resolution is to stop cursing and swearing or you're thinking of giving that up for lent, skip it. For those of us who're already going to hell cos we actually have a brain (very good ones, might I add), I say click NOW.

http://www.zefrank.com/punc/

Great huh.

Geek declared bf of the year

Haven't been doing anything creative lately. Turns out, it's bad for life… kinda depressing and I didn't know what to do. Good thing Fred was on the ball and saved the day. What a great guy. Fred, you are totally boyfriend of the year!

I remember when Fred said that it (it referring to me thinking he was so uncool... yes, yes, so juvenile) wouldn't matter any more when I'm 82 and he's still a sprightly 81. I think I was sold right then but I was too preoccupied with other things to GET IT at that time.

So Fred saved my life again, for the 10 billionth time. It amazes me how well we communicate. Might sound a little self-indulgent, but really, who does that?

He pulled me out of my ditch when we were having a conversation last night. Effortlessly. It was so much fun. Thanks. I needed that… more than I care to admit. He totally saw me in action, stuck in my gloriously bad state, kinda miserable, but hanging on… being a good sport. 10 billion points to Fred! You're the bestest friend a me could ever have.

There's just no way I can imagine having it better than this... I mean anything COULD always be better, but THIS is already better than anything I've seen in real life. Wanting more would be to be way too unrealistic and, you know, pushing it, and then dying a horrible death.

Note to self

Love your work.

The west

Google map, it's the coolest thing ever.
So we made it across 3 huge ass states. This country is so huge, it's a freaking continent. Wait a minute... they figured that out centuries ago? That doesn't make me look too good. Forget what I just said.

So we went from seeing this
to this... weird flowering desert plants
to this more of this... desert stuff
to this... there really are lots of palm trees out here.
And I took a tacky picture of this

Appease the breathing spirits

Hah! I'm back and feeling damn alive!
Yay to Amoxicilin! The trusty antibiotic that keeps bacterial pathogens from running amuck! (love how amoxicilin sounds... too silly to say it only once... I know you're doing it too.)

Anyway, don't take breathing for granted. I know, it's so second nature, everyone forgets! Dangerous! I totally forgot all about it and boy, did the breathing spirits give me crap. Don't mess around with them. Next year during the flu season, make sure you celebrate don't-attack-my-lungs festival. Give them muti-vitamins as offerings. And from time to time, make it a point to tell your breathing spirits that they are doing a phenomenal job regulating air in your system. Feed their egos BEFORE they get pissy and try to kill you. It's cheaper than when they demand drugs.

Say things like, "Breathing normally really makes life much easier! No kidding! When I eat, I breathe; I watch tv, I breathe; I pee, I breathe; I sleep, I breathe... any time I'm alive, I'm breathing. Breathing is such a beautiful thing. Thanks guys!" Try to sound convincing. Never ignore them.

What the hell...

So, as I was getting to know the new neighbourhood, I had the fine opportunity to get aquainted with the local ER. Not really one of the things I had in mind.

Nothing TOO serious, ONLY fried my brains with the highest fever I've had since 5 (102.6 deg F or 39.2 deg C). Plus caught some bronchitis that wanted me dead. Stupid viruses and bacteria... I hate you.

Feeling much better now that I've been in bed for three days straight. I'd write more if I could, but I think I've used up my minuscule energy reserve.