Are you questioning my existance?
A very good friend's "What if" blog entry got me thinking...
Like every human that ever lived, I too have my "What ifs." I'd be lying if I told you otherwise. Right now, there are only 2 that I actually give any amount of thought to.
1. What if I was brave enough to NOT decide to go to JC?
2. What if I just didn't go out with Fred?
But that's about it.
See, over the years, I've kinda lost the taste for retrospective, personal "What ifs," cos that's not the way I want to live life.
2 is plenty of personal what-ifs for me. I'll just say I'm too lazy to think about these questions.
Like:
What if I wasn't a band nerd?
What if I hung out with a different crowd?
What if I went to different schools?
What if I died doing a dumb thing that I thought was the awesomest thing ever?
What if I didn't care and did all the dumb things I wanted to do anyway?
What if I conformed more and did all the "right" things, the "right" way?
What if I got better grades?
What if I got shittier grades?
What if I became a vegan, the annoying type, and made piss everyone I ever knew?
What if I didn't think about the stuff I thought about?
What if the entire human race bowed down to me and declared me supreme overloard?
What if I was born in the Amazon Rainforest and brought up by apes?
It gets quite ridiculous, dosen't it? Yes, it does. To me at least. It's kinda like saying, "What if I wasn't me?"
It would suck a ton if I wasn't me, I'll tell you what.
There could be a gazillion what ifs and honestly, there are way too many fun-er things to do. Besides, isn't it infinitely awesomer to to be thinking about things like:
What if I could be ultra bad-ass in at least 5 different languages! (I will totally be the cuteset, most awesome polyglot ever.)
What if I decide to start my own business! (Oh god, the possibilities are endless. I will make a lot of money by making a lot of people happy instead of by exploitation.)
What if I bought me a nice Frech Horn! (It's a little dream fulfilled... I'll play in an amature orchestra. )
What if I raised enough money to go to grad sch! (Then I'd better make up my mind, quick, on what I want to do in sch.)
What if I decide to be a sushi chef! (Oh fun! I honestly think I'd make a fantastic sushi chef.)
What if I become a full fledge activist! (That's going to be a hell of a job but I'll die happy.)
What if I just go become an independent journalist! (What a trip! I will die even happier. Hopefully, I will be fearless.)
What if I assemble a team that will successfully champion the cause of sustainability! (I will be excited everyday, I won't be able to sleep.)
What if I start a project to promote independent/critical thinking and education! (I'd hope it will work out but I'd probably be experimental about it.)
Like every human that ever lived, I too have my "What ifs." I'd be lying if I told you otherwise. Right now, there are only 2 that I actually give any amount of thought to.
1. What if I was brave enough to NOT decide to go to JC?
2. What if I just didn't go out with Fred?
But that's about it.
See, over the years, I've kinda lost the taste for retrospective, personal "What ifs," cos that's not the way I want to live life.
2 is plenty of personal what-ifs for me. I'll just say I'm too lazy to think about these questions.
Like:
What if I wasn't a band nerd?
What if I hung out with a different crowd?
What if I went to different schools?
What if I died doing a dumb thing that I thought was the awesomest thing ever?
What if I didn't care and did all the dumb things I wanted to do anyway?
What if I conformed more and did all the "right" things, the "right" way?
What if I got better grades?
What if I got shittier grades?
What if I became a vegan, the annoying type, and made piss everyone I ever knew?
What if I didn't think about the stuff I thought about?
What if the entire human race bowed down to me and declared me supreme overloard?
What if I was born in the Amazon Rainforest and brought up by apes?
It gets quite ridiculous, dosen't it? Yes, it does. To me at least. It's kinda like saying, "What if I wasn't me?"
It would suck a ton if I wasn't me, I'll tell you what.
There could be a gazillion what ifs and honestly, there are way too many fun-er things to do. Besides, isn't it infinitely awesomer to to be thinking about things like:
What if I could be ultra bad-ass in at least 5 different languages! (I will totally be the cuteset, most awesome polyglot ever.)
What if I decide to start my own business! (Oh god, the possibilities are endless. I will make a lot of money by making a lot of people happy instead of by exploitation.)
What if I bought me a nice Frech Horn! (It's a little dream fulfilled... I'll play in an amature orchestra. )
What if I raised enough money to go to grad sch! (Then I'd better make up my mind, quick, on what I want to do in sch.)
What if I decide to be a sushi chef! (Oh fun! I honestly think I'd make a fantastic sushi chef.)
What if I become a full fledge activist! (That's going to be a hell of a job but I'll die happy.)
What if I just go become an independent journalist! (What a trip! I will die even happier. Hopefully, I will be fearless.)
What if I assemble a team that will successfully champion the cause of sustainability! (I will be excited everyday, I won't be able to sleep.)
What if I start a project to promote independent/critical thinking and education! (I'd hope it will work out but I'd probably be experimental about it.)
posted by Chiaw Yong at
9:42 PM
2 Comments:
What if I stopped asking "what if" and just lived my life?
Everytime one asks a "what if" question refering to their past, they lose those few seconds of opportunity to ask the "what if" questions that count. The ones that help shape their future.
Don't live your life that way. Value your experience.
My personal example would be:
"What if I grew up skinny and fit, played sports, lived in one place where everybody in town and school knew me, became popular, had great casual social skills, dated girls in grade school every other week"
There was a point where I felt so down that I didn't grow up like that. But it hasn't been until recently (the past 2-3 years) where I have begun to realize my value and value my experience.
Growing up the big kid and hearing the name calling, etc taught me that I would never want to do that to anyone else. That has made me considerate and respectful of others.
Not growing up the popular kid has shown me that isn't what was most important. I sincerly treasured and treasure the friends I've had and have. You guys are the good ones.
Not living in one place has allowed me to meet various people and has taught me humility EVERY single time I stepped in a new school during the school year.
While the fact that I am not that great at back and forth, casual social skills still itches me (hence my quietness a lot)...I notice that it has resulted in me being a good listener...a good observer...a good interpreter...people find they can talk to me about anything and I always have an unbiased view in order to help them...whether it is what they want to hear or not...
not dating girls every other week and having one night stands and all of that stuff has allowed me to step back...not be blinded by hormonial passions and see true value in a relationship...
at this point in my life I am proud of the person I have become and the fact that I feel I have helped a lot of others make it through their insecurities...
maybe people SHOULD sit down...think about things they have gone through...and see how they have grown from their experiences rather than dwell on them...
it is a matter of deciding..."do I want to beat myself up about the last 20-25 years of my life? or live the next 20-25-70 years of my life the way I want to live it?"
as one of my favorite performers wrote in one of my favorite songs that I can relate to greatly:
"Time" by Musiq
"through all the lessons, that you've [time] taught me, I have learned, my experience has enhanced my character
"now as I look back with what I know now I can say, that I wouldn't change a thing, b'cause I love who I became, and when it's all, said and done, I can only, live for today"
"so for a while now, I kept in mind, cause what, they say is true, that you are of the essence, down to the very last second, and I am so glad, that I've grown, to respect you"
*that is a great song...it is about "Time" by the way...the idea of time...
Christopher
By
Anonymous, At
5:00 PM
What if Chris didn't teach me the meaning of, "Oh snap!"
Then I'd not be able to say... OH SNAP! Listen to that!
I mean, really. You, meaning everyone, should.
By
Chiaw Yong, At
8:54 PM
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